Everyone wants
to be “happy”. But, what exactly is
Happiness?
I remember seeing
a wealthy woman who was eating a big steak in an expensive restaurant and complaining
about how miserable she was. Whenever I think about happiness that image pops
into my mind.
Decades ago,
while I was still quite young and inexperienced, I was complaining about something
and a wise friend said as we were driving past a local hospital, “There are
plenty of people in that hospital there who would be happy to change places
with you.” After that, whenever I complain, I remember that comment and quickly
get a balanced perspective.
Not Happiness
Happiness is not
just feeling good all the time. An even-keeled mood is more psychologically
healthy than a mood that attains occasional heights of happiness. Research
suggests that focusing too much on trying to feel good all the time will
actually undermine the ability to feel good at all. (1) (2)
Happiness is not
being rich. I have seen poor people in India and other third-world countries
who radiate happiness. Living below the poverty line certainly makes it hard to
be happy. But money does not buy happiness.
Bonus Expectations
Unexpected bonuses
cause short-term happiness. I remember when the company I founded, Action
Instruments, had record results one year and we decided to give all employees a
10% increase. Everyone was happy. But the gratification quickly dissipated when
expectations changed to fit new budgets.
The same problem
occurred with the annual bonus: Everyone was happy when the annual bonus
doubled from last year. But, as the next
bonus time approached, the calculations began, “Will my bonus double again? Or
will the increase be smaller?” Some optimists spent the bonus before it
arrived, only to be unhappy when it was less than expected. When results were
poor and the bonus went down, there was a lot of unhappiness.
Christmas Gift Giving
This reminds me
of the 1989 movie, “Christmas Vacation”.
Clark Griswold was planning to spend his annual bonus on a swimming pool. His
family’s disappointment was palpable when the bonus turned out to be just a
subscription to “Jelly of the Month Club”.
Everyone, including the boss’s wife and the police SWAT team, thought that was
despicable. (3)
This kind of transient
happiness applies to new houses, cars, gadgets, and all the other material
goods that people want. We teach our children to expect lots of Christmas gifts,
from parents, friends and relative. And in turn, it imposes an obligation to
reciprocate.
An episode in
the TV program, “Big Bang Theory” resonated
with me. Sheldon considers reciprocal gift giving an obligation to give
something of equal value. That premise is perfect! When Penny states that she
has a gift for him, he buys several gift baskets, with a plan is to open
Penny's gift first, then bring out the appropriately valued basket (he’ll return
the others later). Her gift turns out to be something Sheldon considers
has huge value (Leonard Nimoy’s napkin). So, in an effort to reciprocate, he brings
out all the gifts. (4)
Advertising Fuels Gift-giving
Advertising is ingrained in American culture and
influences how people feel about themselves. Products are presented in the best light possible and images are often unrealistic and unattainable. This
continues to maintain a dysfunctional society full of insecurities,
paranoia, cynicism, jadedness and narcissism. It develops false needs and fuels negative feelings like envy and jeolousy. It generates unhappiness. (5)
Immediately
after Thanksgiving the hoopla and advertising for Christmas gift giving begins,
stimulated by incessantly repeated advertising to fuel expectations and demand.
It’s part of our business and our lives. It causes much unhappiness.
Gross National Happiness
Most countries
measure growth with an economic indicator – gross domestic product (GDP).
Bhutan, a
country in South Asia near the Himalayas, measures Gross National
Happiness (GNH). This defines indicators to measure the quality of
life or social progress in more holistic and psychological
terms. They have a Gross National Happiness Commission charged with reviewing
policy decisions and allocation of resources dedicated to the well being of
people within Bhutan. (6)
According to the
official Bhutanese website, “GNH is a holistic and sustainable approach to
development which balances between material and non-material values with the
conviction that humans want to search for happiness. The objective of GNH is to
achieve a balanced development in all facets of life that is essential to our
happiness.”
By contrast,
progress in America and much of the world is measured only by Growth. If this
is achieved, all the other indicators are expected to follow. But an increased
disparity between rich and poor generates significantly decreased GNH. (7)
Happiness Defined & Measured
Defining happiness IS as elusive as
achieving it. Can happiness really be defined, studied and measured? Psychology
researchers study strengths, positive emotions, resilience, and happiness to learn
new ways to prevent disorders, and even learn to become happier.
Psychologist Ed
Diener, co-author of “Happiness:
Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth” describes what psychologists call “subjective well-being” as a combination of
life satisfaction and having more positive emotions than negative emotions. (8) The book purports to use sophisticated methodology and three decades of research to challenge present thinking of the causes and consequences of happiness.
Another book on
this subject is, “The Happiness
Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and
Performance at Work”. (9) Author Shawn Anchor, spent over a
decade living, researching, and lecturing at Harvard University. He draws on
his own research – including one of the largest studies of happiness and
potential at Harvard and at other companies.
Happiness Formulas
After 40 years of research, psychologists attribute happiness to three major sources: genes, events and values. With a few simple rules, we can improve our lives and the lives of those around us. We can even construct a system that empowers everyone to pursue happiness.
Researchers from
University College London came up with a formula that they published in
the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The essence of the
formula is this: Happiness spikes when we win and our expectations are low; but
it gradually fades over time. (10)
Here’s the
formula. Other than academics or math-geeks, who can comprehend?
Here’s another
simpler Happiness formula (11):
H = ((A + P) x R) + F
Happiness equals Attitude plus Presence,
times Resilience, plus Faith.
Several years
ago, I found a formula that has helped me to be happy:
H = R/E
H
is happiness, R is Reality and E is expectations.
This applies to
everyone – rich and poor alike. Whatever the Reality, if Expectations are low,
then Happiness goes up.
Happiness is Not A Destination
Working towards Happiness does not help one to “arrive”
there. Unless you are one of the few who won the genetic lottery and are
naturally happy, happiness takes regular effort to maintain.
Most life events
that make us happy in the short-term – like being promoted, falling in love, or
getting married – fade over time as we adapt to them. Most established
techniques for becoming happier – keeping a gratitude journal, for example – are
habits, not one-shot events.
Happiness is a combination of satisfaction with life and feeling good day by day. Life changes and mood fluctuations affect happiness. With consistent effort, bad changes can be offset. (12)
Happiness is a Frame of Mind
Think of it happiness
you think about your weight: if you eat how you want to and are as active as
you want to be, your body will settle at a certain weight. But if you eat less
than you'd like or exercise more, your weight will adjust accordingly. If that
new diet or exercise regimen becomes part of your everyday life, then you'll
stay at this new weight. If you go back to eating and exercising the way you
used to, your weight will return to where it started. This also applies to
happiness.
In other words,
you have the ability to control how you feel. With consistent practice, you can
form life-long habits for a more satisfying and fulfilling life.
Here are the lyrics
of a song you may remember. Play it with the Youtube link (13).
Don't worry be happy
In every life we have some trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy
References:
11 December 2014
Together, let us bless our world leaders, with knowledge and
wisdom to lead our world to peace; our families and friends, the people we work
with and with who share our life.
It's about making the Commitment to Create the best New Year ever!
